Why May and Corbyn are the Biggest Wastemen in Britain Right Now

Politics is still the same; boring, bureaucratic and full of lies. It is no wonder that in the most recent American election everyone switched off to Hillary and just went for the most outrageously honest and extreme candidates they could on both sides; Trump and Bernie. I think our politicians in the UK are seriously lacking in any sort of charm that makes me want to go out and actively support them.

We, as a generation are becoming more and more fucked off by not only Brexit, but primarily the politicians themselves and the system. Decisions are made, we don’t agree with them, we move on. That’s life. We got over student fees rising, we’ll get over Brexit. It’s simply politics. But I think we are becoming dangerously close to a point where we will be over politics itself due to one key fact: UK politicians are unwilling to adapt to modern times. 

sums up what 99.9% of us are thinking

Supporting Corbyn is often stated as supporting a politician who is policy led, rather than popular support led, just like Bernie. But Corbyn isn’t Bernie. He is the homeless version of Bernie. Imagine there was a game to eradicate all sickness in the world. Bernie bought the game, put it in the Playstation, did the tutorial, played all the levels and then is now the master, schooling everyone online, hacking it so he becomes some crazy creature.

Corbyn has played the tutorial, then decided he doesn’t like how the game wants to change the world. He is fully committed to changing the world, he’s bought the game, spent his hard earned cash. But he’s not willing to put in the work he doesn’t want to do in order to achieve his goals. Everyone who has achieved anything will know there are points where you have to climb the greasy pole to get where you need to be. Bernie understood this, Corbyn doesn’t. Politics have changed, it’s not the 60s, 70s and 80s  where talking to Trade Unions secures you votes, playing the game gets you votes. Bernie understood politics have changed and spoke to his best supporters; young people. I don’t remember the last time Corbyn came to a university, or went on Vice News, or anywhere he is loved to actually grow his support base.

Trump is a grade A bellend, but he has done one thing right; he has made people more aware of what he’s actually doing. You are told what he is doing on Twitter, you hope he’s not going to do what he just tweeted, praying he won’t do it because of how ridiculously racist it is. But you are told what he’s doing. When was the last time I found out of an actual policy of Corbyn? Probably never. I know he wants to make education free and help the poor. But in terms of naming an actual policy, I genuinely couldn’t.

The fist of charisma

Corbyn can blame the media for not reporting his policies, and he is right that they don’t. But in a real world, that’s an actual dumb as fuck stance to take. If you started a clothing brand and no one had heard of it, you couldn’t go shouting at everyone in London asking why they haven’t heard of it. And that is a huge problem for someone who is so called policy led. He is not solving problems with the current amazing opportunities available online, like the million of kids doing so today. People start and grow successful businesses in weeks, but Corbyn can’t find a way to tell people about his policies despite having some money to spend on Facebook promote. Thinking about it, bearing in mind the number of us grinding on a daily basis, he is simply a disorganised mess.

Bless him, he tries and he really does want to change the world, and I respect that. But the fact is, Corbyn is one of the reasons why everyone has just stopped caring about politics. I used to love politics, but seeing Corbyn constantly cowering in the corner saying ridiculous things like ‘the media don’t report what Labour actually do’ over and over again, I lose faith. I don’t understand how any politician can actually inspire me when all they do is blame people. Corbyn really reminds me of the Jerry blob with mutant Beth from Rick and Morty (Season 2: Big Trouble in Little Sanchez). Spineless, waiting for some sort of direction from somebody. But when he does have direction, he does do some quite good shit. Jerry blob actually does stuff in Rick and Morty, and Corbyn is capable of doing good work too. He really is. We need him to be good for him to actually fix the Brexit mess. 

Jerry doing stuff!

Theresa on the other hand is the annoyingly together politician who talks down to us. We all desperately love to hate her. She is a classically good politician, undeniably good. Her call to a snap election was actually a masterstroke, catching the hapless Corbyn off guard. But she is awful. She looks like a Darth, she sounds robotic, and generally has a strict, deputy headmaster vibe about her. Seeing her on TV is literally like seeing your friend trying to be an insta celeb, trying to catch the tails of a dying fad. May’s dead attempts at publicity are awfully cringeworthy and not valid of actual attention. They deserve to be blown up with the Death Star she so obviously runs. She is the epitome of a boring politician, designed to put us to sleep, so she can destroy the NHS with us none the wiser. Theresa is just a snake really. She doesn’t deserve our time nor the votes.

Theresa May, with an apt background

We obviously all love to hate on politicians, that sentiment is as old as time itself. It is clear why we hate them (see above), but how on earth are Theresa and Corbyn the shittiest choices we’ve seen in years?

Do you remember when Top Gear changed from Clarkson, May and Hammond to Matt LeBlanc and co. It just seemed wrong. They just seemed out of place. They didn’t seem loveable, nor endearing, or even genuine, it seemed like someone just chucked them in and said ‘you know what? I’m past giving a fuck, we’re so big, it will work no matter who we put in’. That’s what British politicians are today. They are so out of touch, so lost in their own bodies. Look at Chris whatshisface’s choice of clothing on Top Gear (I have genuinely forgotten his name because he was that shit), he wore a yellow t shirt underneath a blue jumper, and desert boots that made him look like Nicholas Cage. It was like he watched an episode of Skins and decided that was what young people thought was ‘hip’.

His glasses are potentially more tragic than the shirt and jumper

Theresa, Corbyn and co. are the change in cast. Before we had politicians who got it, who were with the time. Like Jezza, May and Hammond, they would fuck up occasionally, say the wrong thing perhaps, slightly out of touch, but ultimately did know how the world worked and were quite charming. Then we got left with a rat pack of wastemen who literally do not understand what they are even representing. They are so busy running from the criticism and trying to take control like the new school Top Gear crew. They want to seem like they understand the world today and are in with the ‘kids’, they have actually forgotten what the hell they are supposed to be doing.

Like Top Gear, the world has moved on. Rehashing old politicians and calling them new, aiming to replace the old ones and expect everything to be calm doesn’t work. The world is changing daily, old politicians fighting each other is just too much for the UK now. We’re pretty low maintenance, we like our lives the way we are and are happy trying to change them ourselves. Unlike the US we can’t handle the constant in fighting in political establishments, we can’t handle Corbyn and Theresa constantly trading blows, fighting for a minuscule amount of power, and allow their egos to fuck us over once again like Boris’ did at Brexit.

Boris, smug as ever, while screwing an entire nation

Their style of politics is so out of touch of the world, it is an actual joke. Like the new Top Gear they feel forced, so afraid to change, and horrendously desperate. They are such begs, we are past even feeling sorry for them. Our politicians today, are like the new Top Gear crew, should be good enough to get stuff done, but instead are spanners at their actual jobs.

A prime example of being shit at their jobs is how unwilling they have been to adapt to change. Waiting huge amounts of time for medial decisions was an acceptable part of politics 20 years ago, but now the rest of the world has become quicker, politics has to get quicker too. If you can order a cab in 2 minutes, and get food delivered while at work, I think politicians can become more adept at not being mugs who don’t understand the world. It would be nice to see politicians using the same innovation everyone else is having to use in order to thrive in today’s world.

Corbyn’s affinity to technology

Despite how much you may agree or disagree with Theresa and Corbyn, there is a very simple problem with their policies. We don’t have a fucking clue what they are doing, nor will we listen when they aim to tell us. They are so bureaucratically and backwards thinking that we only hear about what they fight about in the media, because the rest of what they do is drowned out by their lack of charisma. 

We need someone to bring the fight and the relevant information to our ground. May refusing to debate is dumb as shit, but it is even more dumb that there aren’t debates held on Youtube or Netflix, I don’t even have a TV licence, how do politicians propose I even watch the debates and hear about their policies. Jeremy Corbyn may be ‘Britain’s best hope’ in terms of actual policies, but if he keeps complaining about how hard done by he is and doesn’t try to actually come up with new ways to reach his voters, then how can he expect to be this voice. How can he really expect to win the election? How can he expect us to reinvent Britain if he’s not willing to move on and change with the times? We need Corbyn’s policies and he is failing to tell the world his valiant mission. 

Most importantly, we need to stand up and start actually becoming involved. I’m not talking voting, I’m talking young, normal, average joes getting involved in politics. We need more Sadiq Kahn’s in British politics, charismatic, willing to talk to the press frankly, work on charity issues, someone who  people respect policy wise, and as an actual human being. We can then get musicians, influencers, youtube stars to actually endorse these people, and maybe enact the progressive policies we want to see. Backing Corbyn when he’s not even doing enough to promote his policies himself is hugely counter productive. As a young generation, we need to use this election to show Corbyn is a Jerry, and Theresa May is as shit as Chris whatshisface and finally demand change.

words by Frazer Worboys

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